With true belonging, you are valued for who you are intrinsically, and you value the other person in turn.ĭuring the holidays, the yearning for belonging is supercharged.
Leary, when they have frequent positive interactions with others that are based on mutual care. People feel a sense of belonging, according to Dr. In a seminal paper published in 1995, the social psychologists Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary argued that human beings have a powerful need to belong that largely stems from our evolutionary origins. Psychologists have been studying belonging for decades. In many cases, according to psychologists, those classic fights about politics or where to spend Christmas are really about something much deeper, especially in 2021: a yearning for love, connection and, above all, belonging. Doing so requires understanding what’s really driving family tension this year, both political and personal. The good news is that it’s possible to navigate this year’s unique holiday conflicts gracefully.
“Now it’s no longer whether you just disagree about the long-term effects of climate change,” said Jill Suitor, a sociologist at Purdue University, where she leads a project investigating family conflict in 550 multigenerational families, “but whether you believe that having certain family members present poses a serious danger to other family members.”Īccording to the Pew Research Center, 77 percent of Americans believe the country has become more polarized since the pandemic - which is saying something, given that before the pandemic, 40 percent of people on both sides of the political aisle considered the other side “downright evil.” But some people are not inviting unvaccinated family members to Thanksgiving others are scoffing at relatives who insist on masks. Now that most American adults have been vaccinated against Covid, many families are having their first winter holiday gatherings in two years. The pandemic has created only more divides. A Wall Street Journal/NBC poll from 2016 found that one-third of respondents said they had gotten into a “heated” argument with family or friends in the wake of the presidential election.
Tensions over the 2016 presidential election led some families to shorten Thanksgiving dinner that year to avoid conflict others cut ties altogether with relatives whose politics differed. Even before the Covid pandemic, Thanksgiving could be an emotional minefield for many families.
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